August 18, 2009
CJ went to the doctor's office for a physical yesterday. When you enter Jr. High and play sports, you have to have an individual physical. I tried to warn him ahead of time about the "turn your head and cough" portion of the physical. This is how the doctor checks males for a hernia. Why it is called a hernia and not a himnea, I will never know. Further explanation in this forum is not permissible, go ask your husband/brother/dad. CJ was not looking forward to this part of the exam as he will not even let his parental units see him naked anymore even though we have tried to explain to him that some of the happiest moments of his toddler-hood came when he was naked. There were so many times he enjoyed running through the yard in just his diaper that a single neighbor told us it was just like livin' in the ghetto. I have never lived in the ghetto (though I do like Elvis' song about it), so I often wondered if it was just children or adults as well that ran through the streets in their diapers. I never asked.
Anyway, I checked with CJ when I got home from work as to how the physical went. Everything sounded good. His height and weight are normal, he is still ticklish when they check his abdomen, and he does not have strep throat. There was no mention of the cough test, so I asked about it. He let me know that they did not perform this test, but that area was checked and was okay. Beth was there, so I will look to her for further explanation as I am sure that area is better than okay if he is anything like his father. Yes, I went there.
I was not disappointed that he did not have to cough for the doctor, but I felt the need to ask if there was any uncomfortable probing that took place. He said there was not other than the throat culture swab, but wondered what other possibilities he should be grateful that he missed. This was the segue I was looking for as, for some strange reason, I like to gross him out a bit.
I explained that adults get to undergo a gloved exam in their rectum (rectum, nearly killed 'em!). "Why would anyone need to put their fingers or hand up your poop shoot", he wondered aloud with some alarm in his voice. Beth and I explained (you thought she wasn't here for all this, didn't you) that there are prostate exams and other things that need to be checked up there. It is always nice to know that things are okay in the inner regions we explained. After a minute of thought, CJ came through with a classic line, "well, as long as the doctor waits to give you the two thumbs up until his hand is out of there". Yeah, I couldn't agree more!
Until all men realize it really is an important test...