Tuesday, July 24, 2012

But not slippers, that would be ridiculous

July 24, 2012

Last night several of us from The Target went out to PF Chang's to celebrate the last few days of one of our coworkers.  She does not have an expiration date on her birth certificate so we were not celebrating her last few days on earth, but she is departing our store on Friday.  She is headed back to California since her fiancee just got a job back there.  She has only been with us 8 months, so we have not gotten too attached.  I guess maybe I should limit that assessment to myself as I did not socialize with her as much as some of my coworkers did.  Nonetheless, she will be missed and I wish her the best.

There were several good stories bantered about at our end of the table.  There were 12 people there at a rectangular table so you do end up separating yourselves into "ends" and carry on conversations with those who can hear you.  My boss ended up at the other end and the interns had to sit near him.  That is the way it should work as the interns need to pay their dues by sitting near the boss at social functions.

So at my end, aka the end with the cool kids, I learned about the lives of the couple across from me with 3 children including vomit and cute little girl stories, and I learned about the dating life of a single young lady in Cincinnati. 

I will share one of her stories with you.  After closing at the store one night last week, she decided to go see the midnight showing of Batman.  Personally, midnight is well past my bedtime, but when you are in your early 20s, not the case.  She went home and changed into her lounge pants and a tee shirt and headed off.  The movie theater she chose ended up to be near a lot of restaurants and bars where being out at 12am is not uncommon.  Therefore, she was noticing the crowds and the way people were dressed.  The female bar crowd had on their short skirts and heels, or skank-wear as she called it.  However, as she walked towards the theater, she still heard guys call out that always affective pick up line, "Hey baby!"

She looked at these guys and was all like, seriously, I am wearing sweat pants.  Why not hit on the skanks over there.

We analyzed this for her even though I am not sure she was looking for that kind of feedback from us.  It was determined, beyond the fact that apparently she is attractive enough in sweat pants and a pony tail to draw attention, but more importantly, women in skimpier clothing tend to give of the "taken" vibe where as sheila schlepping on in wearing pjs and no make up is most likely available.  Better odds for dude and his clever pick up lines.

I don't know how many of you are single that read this, but I thought I would pass on this dating tip.  If you are going out to bars all dolled up looking for Mr Right and not having any luck, then next time you may want to try this.  Pony tail, no make up, your favorite bubby pants.  Perhaps even glasses if you own them.  Let me know how that works out for you.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Who's going to save her tonight

July 3, 2012

I am going to tell you two stories today that will contrast each other a bit.  The first one is going to speak to my relationship with Jesus and the second will let you know why I am going to hell.  So if you are freaked out by stories about Jesus, just stick around and you will identify more with the second story.  If you are prim and proper and smell like roses and don't think people should ever be devilish, then what the h-e-double hockey sticks are you doing reading this blog?

So to get to the point, I told y'all how I did not get my promotion.  I will not bore you with the details as to why, but I will throw in an editorial comment that it was hogwash.  I have gone through the stages of grief after finding out (surprise, anger, denial, anger, more anger), and have recently arrived at acceptance.  Here in the acceptance stage, I am finding some peace.  The reason surrounds the fact that I know in my heart that I am not fulfilling the real reason why Jesus put me here on Earth.  I have always decided that my greater purpose was to be Beth's husband and CJ's dad because the two of them are going to do great things.  CJ will grow up to be something special and my job is to turn him into a good adult.  "Not too much pressure on your kid there" Beth would say.  However, this thought had more to do with me not knowing who I really am and less to do with CJ's destiny for greatness.

You see, I have long been happy at home and am forever grateful for my life inside these four walls, but once I leave the house I think I should be doing something else other than simply providing income for our lives.  Then came this promotion opportunity.  I took this to be the sign that being with Target and concentrating my time and energy on Target during the day and my family always, was my purpose.  Why would God want me to get this promotion if Target was not my second life?  Then, I did not get this promotion.  Did I mention that I was angry and confused?

So I worked Saturday night and got home after midnight and my family was still awake.  I knew this meant everyone would want to sleep in Sunday morning and church was probably not going to happen as I also had to work again Sunday afternoon.

Sunday morning, CJ got a text from his friend reminding him to feed their cats while they were out of town.  So CJ was up.  Beth was up and was suddenly dressed for church.  I looked at the clock and was surprised to see that we were actually on pace to be ready for church earlier than usual.  Okay, I guess we're going.

We got to church and the first speaker on stage was a woman named Dani.  The first thing she spoke to was getting volunteers to sign up for a new project called CityLink.  It is a center getting built that is going to help a lot of poor people in Cincinnati escape poverty.  I will not break down the whole premise here, but it is something I have thought very long and hard that I could contribute to by helping people learn how to apply for, interview for, and keep jobs.

So there was God telling me that my life is about something more than Target and I instantly signed up for the training classes when I got home.  As you go through your lives each day, please take time to notice the small signs you are being given as to what God has in store for you.

Story number two involves my sweet wife Beth.  Everyone we meet thinks she is the nicest person they have ever met.  Polite, nice, gentle, yada, yada.  So CJ, sweet Beth, and myself were on the way to church one morning.  We were driving behind a brand new Camaro.  CJ is 15 and starting to notice cars.  This one was pretty slick.  I was asking CJ if he liked it and of course he did.  I explained to him that having a car like that would surely get him noticed by the ladies.  Doing my job to make him a better man-yes I am.  Beth explained to him that he should not be interested in girls that wanted to have relations with him based on his car.  Whatever.  As she was finishing this story, we were stuck in traffic such that the cars coming at us were sitting still in traffic right next to us.  I pointed to a little girl (little as in toddler age still in a car seat) who was staring at the Camaro.  I said, "See, she likes it."  Beth looked at this cute little girl and spouted out these word, "Well, she's a dirty whore."

As Steven Tyler would say, she's my a a a an-gel....