Saturday, January 30, 2010

At least I look better than Tom Sizemore

January 30, 2010

I have not been feeling well the past couple days as the weather and allergens have kicked my butt some. I have the sore throat, swollen glands, rundown thing that many others are suffering through right now as well. It makes me dislike winter more than I already did.

I thought maybe feeling bad had to do with turning 45 this week, but the two events are probably not linked. I did find a ray of hope on television last night. Beth was watching one of those VH1 shows with Dr. Drew about celebrity rehab. This one should be called "The Mackenzie Phillips show" since every scene becomes about her. I think she is dominating the small group sessions because she has been clean for 8 months and the rest of them have been clean for 8 hours. Formulating sentences is probably not easy if you are going through detox.

One of the celebs going through detox on the show is Tom Sizemore. He has been in movies like Born on the Fourth of July and Black Hawk Down along with many others. These took place in the late 90s and early 00s for the most part as this was when he was the most sober.

So anyway, he gave his age on the show last night as 49. I looked it up and he was born in 1961, so he got it correct. Actually, I was surprised at how lucid and dead on to dates he was as Dr. Drew questioned him on his usage. I have been clean and mostly sober for 45 years, and I couldn't answer questions about my work history without a resume right in front of me.

So look up Tom on the show. Tell me that he isn't looking a bit rough for 49. Then take a look at me today, take into consideration that I am not feeling well and was never as good-looking as Tom Sizemore, and then tell me that I will not look as bad as him in 4 years. I know, I don't think so either.

Speaking of me being sober, CJ and I went to a Xavier University men's basketball game this past week. We ended up with some great seats. A coworker had won the seats at a raffle and gave them to me since she is not an XU fan. CJ and I sat behind one of the baskets 3 rows from the floor. We really enjoyed it. The only bad thing was that dude behind us spilled his beer on CJ's jacket. The good news was that I did not have to explain to Beth when we got home why CJ had beer on his jacket. CJ has been clean for about 13 years and I do not drink much, especially when I am out with him. He has come to think anyone who has a drink when they are out in public and then has to drive somewhere is wrong. I may not be the perfect dad I aspire to be (see Blog title), but I am proud of myself that CJ has this outlook on life. Maybe better decisions will be made by him when he gets in those situations due to my decisions now.

Hey, there are two things I have going for me that are better than Tom Sizemore has going for him right now. I am feeling better already.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Is it really warm in H-E-double toothpicks?

January 26, 2010

Let me give you a quick update on life before I get to the main topic. I don't post much anymore as I have realized that posting daily is very difficult time-wise, and it is difficult to be that entertaining every day. I am impressed with June Gardens of Bye Bye Pie as she is entertaining every day. Please read her often and check in here occasionally.

So, this past week was my birthday week. It went great as no one at work made a big deal of it (always a bonus), and Beth and CJ made it special here at home. I received a headset for my PS3 so that CJ and I can communicate when we are on line together. We are able to go on line together now as Beth found the information as to how to make this happen, and the three of us were able to figure it out. Big brain on Steve, Beth, and CJ. Actually, three big brains, we don't really share one. Beth got cupcakes from Fresh Market, and they were quite tasty. The Red Velvet was the best-yum! Fortunately, they did not try to fit 45 candles on said cupcakes, and we did not have to call the Fire Department.

When someone at work asked if we had a big celebration, I clued them in that when you have had this many birthdays, the need to celebrate diminishes. I think as you get older, it returns especially if you are surprised you are still around to be celebrating.

So on to the main topic. On June's blog, she requested the names of any good blogs. She stated also that the only good blog she had found written by a man was one by....some dude I am jealous of, so I can't remember his name. You'll need to find his most entertaining site on your own. I think maybe June forgot that she has read my blog before since I do not post often enough to check back on daily.

Before anyone thinks I am serious, I do realize that my blog isn't entertaining to any one beside myself, (as I do crack myself up), CJ (when I am not talking about him and girls), and Beth (when I am not using a bunch of (((()))).

So one of June's commentors, Furry Godmother I believe, suggested a blog called HILARIOUS!!!!!! Please, take a look.

It contains photogs of customers at Walmarts around the country. WAY FUNNY!!! (but wrong). Before you think I need to be judged, I do know that I am most likely going to H-E-double hockey sticks someday, and may actually be driving the bus for the field trip to get there; but I am fairly certain that I will know a lot of people there.

There was a Walmart near my Target that recently moved and became a SuperWalmart. The location of the new one is a bit strange, is about 3 miles from the old one, and is not currently on the city's bus route. Therefore, some of the old Walmart customers have been coming to Target. Some started to come when there was the transition period of old Walmart closed, new one not opened yet. My hope is that they liked what they found at Target and have continued to shop with us. However, some of the old Walmart customers have either not been able to get to the new one due to the bus route thing, or they don't know where it went. We do get asked on occasion, "didn't there used to be a Walmart around here somewhere?" To which I usually reply, "Yeah, but I'm not sure where they moved to." There are some customers that I give directions to the new Walmart. These are the ones asking for things like wifebeaters or ammo.

Our sales are up at my Target, and I do believe that it has something to do with the old Wally world closing, so thanks to all you converts. However, if you want a good chuckle (not the delicacy from Stone Mountain, GA), go to the blog and check it out.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Pizza, Pizza

January 14, 2010

I have gone from Monday when I had time to post but couldn't think of anything good to talk about, to today when I am posting before work because I thought of several things you needed to know.

First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHARLIE!!! It is Beth's father's birthday. He is no longer with us,but he is surely missed. He never liked it when people would say how old someone would be if they were still alive, so we won't go there.

Next, the background on the weirdness, has to do with a Little Caesar's Pizza chain commercial from long, long ago. They had two commercials that have stuck with me, one is their animated dude dressed like Caesar saying "pizza, pizza", and the other was a weird looking guy saying "I have a brother?" I can't piece together what this had to do with pizza for you right now (did I mention that I have to go to work?), but the question is relevant to my story.

So, last night I had this dream that Beth had a long lost sister that had come to stay with us. Beth has 6 older brothers, so it didn't seem possible that a sister had been squeezed in there somewhere, and that Beth had disliked her sooo much that she never spoke of her, EVER. You could cut the tension in our house with a chainsaw. Then, said sister's husband bolted into our bedroom intent on beating me up. He was wearing a sailor outfit complete with blue neck thingie, so I was pretty sure he was a tough dude. I talked him out of hitting me, because that was illogical, obviously. However, somewhere in this confusion, Beth's long lost sibling was now a brother, and his wife and two children were also with us at our house. Sister was gone. In my head suddenly popped the phrase, "I have a brother?" WTH!!

So I don't think any of us know how this dream is going to turn out, as gratefully, Beth woke me up in our real life bed and snapped me out of it. I questioned her on any potentially prodigal siblings. She denied their existence, and I was able to fall back asleep. Whew.

So did you know our computer keyboard has a number pad over there to the right? Neither did I. Our old one didn't, so I did not even notice that our new one did, FOR 2 MONTHS!! Observant much. Maybe my right hand is so big it blocked my view of the keyboard, WAY OVER THERE. Maybe I need my brain checked. Yeah, that's it.

Gotta go to work. See ya later, unless you are standing to my right.

Friday, January 8, 2010

So I am not cool???

January 8, 2010

So today is day one of five days off. I provided transportation to CJ and the two other seventh graders who normally ride the bus with him, Kristian and Nicki. When I made this offer to CJ, he was hesitant. Could it be that he was worried about me embarrassing him in front of his friends? I would think not. I know he was not worried about Kristian, who is a boy, and whose name I am spelling correctly. Yes, I do say weird things in front of his guy friends (see the post about Teddy Grahams), but they sometimes appreciate oddness since odd pretty accurately describes most seventh grade boys.

However, Nicki is a girl. A seventh grade girl that CJ says is the one girl he is interested in. He doesn't like her because of how she looks or anything like that yet, we are not there. But, she is fun to talk to at the bus stop. So, the thought of me in the same vehicle with him and her I think rattled his brain a bit. Then I explained that he needed to think about the seating position in the car. Did he want front seat, K and N in the back? Better for N in the front and he and K in the back? K in the front and he and Nicki alone in the back?? I think he wanted to punch me in the face after that comment. Don't over think it dad, I will just sit in the front. Then I asked about the radio station. He turned it off. Yeeesh, sensitive much?

I think if I had told him this story about work, he would have felt much better about the impending car trip.

I am almost 45, so most of my references are from the 80's and 90's. Whenever I quote Fantasy Island (smiles everyone, smiles) or Hill Street Blues (be careful out there), or Airplane, the Movie (don't call me Shirley), the older team members have to explain it to the younger ones. So the other day, when a team member asked where something was, I tried to jump into this millennium. I told them to go to the end of the aisle and then go Beyonce. They looked at me very strangely. I said, "You know, to the left, to the left". They shook their head and said to stop trying. Really? This wasn't cool? It won't catch on? None of you will be using it later as your own?

Nonetheless, the car ride was uneventful. It is only a ten minute drive, and lacked a ton of conversation. Even when I found out Nicki plays the saxophone, I stayed on my best behavior.

When I asked if they wanted me to pick them up from school or take the bus, all of them voted for bus. Why would they turn down a warm car ride from someone as cool as me?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Snow Day

January 7, 2010

CJ and Beth had a snow day today. Wednesday morning, CJ's alarm went off at 6:40, and at 7:00 Beth had to get the Jaws of Life out to separate him from his sheets. Today, bouncing down the stairs at 6:10 came CJ after he heard the phone ring and assumed that it was the recorded message that our school system uses to announce school delays or closings. Once he found out that he was correct, down into the basement he ran to start with the video games. Oh to be 13 again.

We were supposed to have a visit at the Target today. A "visit" is not someone stopping by to buy us tea and talk about the old days. It is when one of the higher ups stops in to tour the store and check on things. I refer to them as higher ups, since they can't be called "the suits" like they do at corporations. This is Target, everyone wears red and khaki, even the higher ups. Of course, their red and khaki comes from Banana Republic and Saks whereas my red and khaki come from Eddie Bauer or Target.

So anyway, I think we were ready for our visit today. I think it would have gone well. The store looked good and we have good numbers going so far this month. But did I mention it snowed today? So the visitor never came. In fact, not many people came shopping today. Those who did either got to hear us utter the phrase, "No, I'm sorry we are out of (insert snow related item here)", or they got to shop for their wares in peace. It was eerily quiet. While I hate missing a sales plan, which we will undoubtedly do on such a quiet day, it did turn out perfect for me. I start on a 5 day vacation from tomorrow until I go back on Wednesday, so having a slow day at work the day before a vacation is awesome. I was able to catch up on stuff and prepare notes for my team to take care of while I am gone. We have another "visit" the day I get back. Steve 2009 would be worrying about said visit and maybe even work part of his vacation, but Steve 2010 has no worries. I have a good team and I know my fellow managers will look after things. Bring on the visit, I say.

So Xavier basketball starts soon, so I am going to sit in my massage chair (as I have found sitting in front of a computer most of the day is harder physically than actual hard labor???) and watch CJ kill and be killed at COD.

Vacation, all I ever wanted....

Don't you just love the GoGos?

Remind me tomorrow to blog about how I tried a hip reference at work the other day and was still uncool. Hard to believe, I know.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Sugar has no effect on children whatsoever

January 5, 2010

First, we are back up to speed with our Internet connections. Beth had to call our local provider, and they did something to speed things back up. Sorry to scare everyone with the Y2KX conspiracy theory.

Second, I bought some candy yesterday before I left the Target as the holiday candy went 90% off and I thought I knew two people at my house that might like some chocolate. Like it they did. I had to cut CJ off before he totally demolished a box of Bailey's Irish Creme chocolate (I think he might have eaten enough to catch a buzz), a small box of Lindt truffles, an Advent calendar (24 pieces) of milk chocolate, and another bag of chocolate. Beth helped, but Mayor McCheese really got his chocolate groove on.

When CJ was young and we took him to the pediatrician, one of the doctors told us that sugar has no effect on children whatsoever. Over the years, this has been a family joke for us. We walked by an ice cream shop one time and there was this 4-5 year old boy who had just finished his cone. He was running in place with a look on his face like "If I just get up enough speed, I can blast off like Rocket Boy!". CJ and I looked at each other and muttered the phrase, "sugar has no effect on children whatsoever".

The movie Daddy Day Care had a scene during which the children gorged themselves with sugar, went bonkers for awhile, and then crashed into napdom.

There have been other non-documented usages of this phrase by my family as there are plenty of examples that the doctor giving us this information either had alien children or no children. No other explanation.

I figured CJ's brain was feeling some affects when he came to the basement after finishing his homework. Beth asked him to practice drums, and he said okay. I was finishing a COD match, and he stopped to watch. I finished and he grabbed the remote and said he was going to watch some television. I reminded him about drums, and he shook the cobwebs out of his head and said, "Oh yeah". I then walked into the laundry room to change my clothes and he followed me in as we discussed something non drum related. I asked him if there was something he needed in the laundry room that was going to help him practice drums. He looked sheepish for a second as he knew I knew he had already forgotten about drums again. He turned towards the toy closet, grabbed one of those plastic monkeys that goes with a Barrel of Monkeys game and said, "Yes, I needed this here monkey to help me with the bongos portion of my drum practice". Clever. BTW, there is no bongo portion. Sugar has no effect on children whatsoever.

Anyway, for some reason, it took CJ an extra long time to fall asleep once he went to be last night. Hmmm. He also had little to no desire to get out of bed this morning. Hmmm. I don't think he ever got a stomach ache and doesn't seem hungover this morning, but I do know his first waking thought was, "Need more chocolate!"

Aren't I a "perfect dad" for giving my child so much chocolate after 6:00 at night? Lesson learned.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


January 2, 2010

Remember the Y2K scare when everyone was petrified that the whole technological network would go down due to the change from 1999 to 2000? Programmers scrambled to change all the codes so that we would be able to access our money, use our credit cards, download Prince on our IPods, and set our coffee makers to start up while we are sleeping? Well, I am wondering if it took 10 years for this fear to be realized.

Our computer is having problems running slower yesterday and today. Actually, it is not having a problem running slower, it is doing well at that. My grammar is having a problem though. Nonetheless, the computer is brand new and I am hoping that even though we just bought it in November, that the software is not already out-dated. Even worse, CJ says, is that his PS3 is running really glitchy today. Sure, there have been 75,498 software updates for PlayStation that he has ignored until today, but what if that is not the problem. OMG!! We have discussed getting another PS3 to have in another room so that CJ and I can both play at the same time, but what if this leads to further issues? Will we have to return to things like:
-doing cross word puzzles
-sitting on the stoop and talking to neighbors
-listening to records
-working out

Now, it is getting a bit ridiculous. Let's just hope that the slower rate of downloads today is due more to the larger number of users since it is a holiday and all, and apparently no one has to work on holidays anymore.

So anyway, over the holidays, I was able to visit with my brother and his family along with my sister and her family down in Louisville. I am trying to convince the two of them to read my blog as I am one of the worst phone conversationalists (wow, that was a long word) in the history of phones. I mean, sure, Edison didn't like talking on the phone, but he only had one person to talk to and how much time can you spend talking about the light bulb? Boring!

Speaking of boring, Beth just came in and tried to explain the whole, to Roth IRA or not Roth IRA conundrum to me, and I think I blacked out for a second. Sorry honey, I tried to picture you naked to make it more exciting, but then Dave Ramsey kept jumping into my daydream and I had to shake it off. I am very glad Beth takes care of our money, because if it were all up to me, our money would be sitting in a checking account making 0.000000009 cents on every dollar.

So, back to the holidays. It was great to see my family. The children were very cute, especially that drama queen, Julia. She would be in a great mood right up until you pulled out a camera and aimed it at her. Then the crying. Perhaps she is in the witness protection program, not sure. All the other kids seemed well and are equally cute. Emily, Joseph (not cute, handsome), Mary and Ben are getting too big, too fast, but we enjoyed seeing them all. I also enjoyed seeing the adults, Kathleen, Michael, Judi, and Edward. It was awesome that we could get together. I hope each of you has a great start to the new year.

I have to work later today. Did all of you save your refunds until today? I am just wondering what kind of day it is going to be. I am short-handed in my department tonight, so I am assuming it is going to be a long night. Therefore, I am going to see if this post will save correctly, or if I will lose the whole thing. If it gets lost, will someone hold me? No, not you Dave!