You so crazy

July 17, 2010

Last night was the best night's sleep in a while.  Was it because all the stress from work was gone or because all home remodeling is complete?  You must be living on No Fricken Way.  However, I dealt with the stress of work with my new Steve 2010 attitude and it is working itself out.  Home remodel is still going on and may be for the rest of eternity.  We should have gotten one of those Glade 60 day things.  That is due to seeing that commercial last night where annoying Glade lady is having her kitchen redone by (apparently) smelly handyman, and the project takes 60 days instead of 30 days.  Our daily visiting handy person is not smelly.  It is Beth and she and her bubby pants have been painting and fixing and looking at faucet porn on a constant basis.  Smell free. 

The best night's sleep came from a new mattress topper that came from Overstock.com.  Heavenly.  Aaaaah.

We do have floor installation scheduled for Monday and Tuesday of this coming week.  Counter tops should come at the end of the month.  The end is in sight and I am hoping it is not a freight train putting off the light at the end of the tunnel.

CJ is in recovery.  He is wearing one of those home-tracking ankle bracelets like the charming, handsome guy on White Collar.  Sure his thieving was accidental and a one-time thing, but you can never be too careful.  The final straw was his act of vandalism the very next day.  Beth, her mom, and CJ went to Ikea to look at stuff.  It is like going to a strip club after you have been looking at internet porn.  I think there may have been a table dance performed by a kitchen island that wants Beth to bring it home.  Grandma even offered to pay for it, so things are getting a little weird.  At some point during the shopping/partying, CJ knocked something off a shelf that shattered into a gazillion pieces.  I know it sounds like another accident, but what the managers did not see is that CJ was climbing the shelf to scribble some graffiti on a mirror or something.  I have been watching out for signs of drug abuse since he is a teen ager now, but thieving and vandalism are not as bad as listening to Marilyn Manson.  I will stay vigilant.

That brings me full circle to today's title.  We have a couple expressions here in our house for when someone says or does something crazy.  For some reason, these expressions get used quite a bit.  It is a mystery as to why.  However, just in case I want to start using these expressions on the blog, you need to know where they came from and that they just mean something or someone is acting crazy. 

First expression comes form those little darlings down in Atlanta.  Little kids are not born with a full grasp on the English language, so their smack talk has to be learned.  My sister has not let her young 'uns watch MTV or any of those stations for young adults, so their smack talk repertoire comes mostly from Buzz, Woody, and Dora.  They said a couple things to me in Spanish that may have been real smack talk, but I'm guessing they were just saying monkey or shoe or something like that.  Therefore, when they decided to taunt CJ and Uncle Steve, they made up their own expressions.  Our favorite was that someone acting crazy "had a chicken in their pants".  We now use that one frequently around here.

The second comes from a movie that CJ and I watched together.  The movie was Barnyard.  The main characters in the barnyard were cows who could walk and talk and drive cars.  They tormented the farmer as much as possible.  The farmer's wife was always on the look out for cow shenanigans, but her husband just thought she was crazy and did not believe that his cows were looking through windows or driving cars through their yard.  Let me see if I can link the pertinent scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UjTx1tH_aY&feature=related

I know the picture is not great, nor is the audio, but otherwise it is steller.  The two lines that we use are simply, "It's a cow farm, your gonna find cows outside", and "Her mind's gone, where'd it go, I dunno? It's gone."

I just watched it three times and snorted every time. 

Feel free to use the lines, but be prepared for their use here on my blog.  There may be rare occassion when someone around here has a chicken in their pants.  Not me so much, but CJ.