BEWARE OF THE DOG!!

September 14, 2009

You know what is great about being me? Beth and CJ are what is great about being me.

I just had a challenging week/weekend at Target, but am rewarded with today "off". Off today means I have to be at work at 10pm tonight and work overnight helping with inventory until 7 or 8 in the morning. There is nothing like throwing an overnight shift into the middle of your week to really throw off your eating, sleeping, and pooping routines.

Anyway, we were sitting at breakfast this morning, and the twos of them were not feeling especially jovial about heading off to school today. However, since I have never met two people with better attitudes about mornings and life, things turned to incessant giggling before we knew it. Our running joke involves CJ and his desire to have a dog and how it intertwines with his PS3 and the game Call of Duty. We have rolled our parental eyes (while chuckling inside) whenever CJ refers to his game and how he "loves knifin'". He is referring to how, when under zombie attack or in the middle of a death match, he can rather adeptly knife his opponent without getting killed himself.

One day I was playing Call of Duty by myself (as it is embarrassing to have anyone watch me play so poorly), and during the battles I was involved in, I must have gotten killed by knife around 20 times while I was being shot another 30 times and killed by dogs another 40 times or so. I joked with Beth and CJ that I got knifed so many times that I think even some of the dogs were knifing me. Beth added CJ's catchphrase with a twist, "I ruv rifing". It was as if Scooby Doo had just morphed into a German Shepherd and caught me from behind to slit my neck open.

So there we are at the breakfast table when CJ tells us how he and his buddy were able to surrive a dog zombie attack when they ran out of machine gun ammunition by using their Bowie knives. Our chest swelled with pride. Calmly, Beth explained to CJ that this is why he does not get a new puppy like his friend on the soccer team just did. She fears that PETA will have to intervene when a call comes into the "puppy in distress" hot line regarding our dogs fear of Nerf guns. Picture this happy puppy bounding into CJ's room heading for CJ to give him a good morning lick, when suddenly he comes under fire by zombie-crazed boy and his automatic fire Nerf gun. Should puppy break through this initial attack, he would probably be met by CJ's pipe cleaner knife. While no harm would be done to puppy physically, the mental scars would be insurmountable. So no dog for you young man.

Until I figure out why David Bowie had the need to create a special knife...