Wednesday, June 2, 2010

How many states are there?

June 2, 2010

Vacuum guy came to visit this morning.  Beth digs vacuum guy.  If she weren't already hooking up with bring home the paycheck guy, she would totally cheat with vacuum guy.  However, I was thinking of wearing a muscle tee while I vacuumed, so how could she resist that?  I know that since I am from Kentucky that I am supposed to call it a wife-beater, but I am already expecting hate mail from Oregon and Georgia; why add Kentucky to the list?  "Because they can't write", the people from Ohio say.  It is not a pretty border war up here. 

Why did the people of Ohio build the bridge across the Ohio river?  So they could swim across in the shade.

Why do the people of Tennessee paint their garbage cans orange and blue?  So their kids think they are eating at Howard Johnson's.

Grade school was perhaps not as affective for learning as my parents had hoped.  We were kinda busy with smack talk against bordering states.  We might never have learned anything if, your mama is so fat jokes, had made their way to Kentucky back then.

So it is not a wife-beater.  Didn't take too long to make that point, did it?

Yes, I remembered to hang the throw rugs on the back porch so Beth would know I was vacuuming.  Beth came home while the project was still in progress, so I made sure there was a lot of noise, some expletives, and plenty of furniture moving so she would understand what an undertaking this project is.  She must have caught on, because the big salad I just finished for lunch was way delicious.

In other news, we went to visit Beth's mom yesterday while Beth's twin brother, Chuck, was at her home.  He was hauling away the remnants of a chipped stump from the back yard.  We were going to help, but he said he was alone on the project.  Twisted our arms till they hurt to get us away from shoveling mulch in 90 degree humidity.  We did get a funny story out of the deal though. 

We had given him our gazebo/tea house out of our back yard not long after we moved in.  He hauled it out to his house and plopped it on his property.  He did not realize that it was going to increase his property value and, thus, his property taxes.  He is now hoping no one stops by to reassess since he recently built a new structure something like a shed out back.  He is calling it a tree house.  Beth has helped him with his story by saying to tell the property assessor that they planted a tree, built the tree house on top of the seedling, and are waiting for the tree to grow and lift the tree house up with it. 

Boy, these people in Ohio are smart.  Rats, more hate mail from another state.


  1. In my neck of the woods which I won't give a precise location for because I don't want to get (more) hate mail, we call those shirts "Proud to be gay" shirts. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    A gazebo adds to property values? Who knew?

  2. I lolled at the tree house story. Not a bad idea... Hey, want to come re-do my backyard? Free wife beaters and smack talk!