July 16, 2009
Did you ever have one of those days when you get home from work and all you feel like doing is eating a couple of burgers and laying on the couch? Of course you have, it is the American dream. However, I assume most of you do not do this. That is except for when I watch diet shows on television where it seems that half of America is obese. I am having one of those days today and it makes me feel like a slug. It is not helping that my wife is currently doing an exercise video (in the room with the couch and the television...grrr!), thus relegating me to blogdom. It is also not helping that I see neighbors coming home from their jobs and taking care of 3 small children, cutting their grass, and heading out for walks. Thankfully, my wife has let me know that when she is done exercising, she will still be available for a walk. "Thanks hon", I reply gleefully. Grrr!
The problem stems from a not so great night of sleep. I was probably dehydrated, therefore, causing one of those nights when you think you are awake, but you are in the middle of some dream that lets you know you must be asleep. The alternative is that I really did rearrange a dress department in my mother's store last night. My mother passed away in 1991 and never owned a dress store. I would go down some Freudian path with this, but I have not packed my overnight garment bag.
I was dehydrated because I love caffeine. I do not love it like I used to-4-5 Mt Dews per day, but I do love it to the tune of one coffee and a couple Coke Zeros every day. (Once this blog makes it big, I have the inside track on a couple of endorsements already!!) I have gone up to 40 days (the same length of time as Lent coincidentally enough) without my beloved caffeine, but I find that I miss it. I have even learned to justify it. I learned that children with ADHD are given a stimulant to help calm them down. It helps them focus from what I understand. Well, I need focus. I have an undiagnosed case of ADHD, I am sure of it. How else can you explain my ability at work to listen to a conversation on the walkie talkie, help the customer in front of me, notice the child about to fall out of a cart two aisles away, and never lose track of my original intent-make it to the bathroom without causing an additional "spill" problem in Health and Beauty Aids. I solve all the mini crisis es, and then start walking toward my destination. About half way there, I notice a sign on the ground, pick it up, and forget why I am standing near the men's' restroom.
I also cannot possibly sit and read a chapter in a book with the television on in the same room. My wife can do this, my son says he can, but I cannot. In other words, I need caffeine. Somehow, that all makes sense to me.
I would end here, but the exercise video continues. I think we are in the cool down. I am very pleased that my wife is exercising. She looks great, but wants to lose more weight. More power to her. She can do whatever she wants to lose weight as long as that British lady Gillian McKeith does not show up here to live with us for a week. I know in the show, the chubby Brits go to live with her at her house, but I think when I finished moving the dresses last night, I dreamed that Gillian came to live with us. I don't think she would be a big fan of the burgers and couch plan. I am not overweight, but that does not mean that I eat the type of menu she cooks up. If you've seen her show, you know that she piles a big banquet sized table up full of the food that the person visiting her eats in a typical week. I do wonder how much editing has taken place since I know one of these people has to have seen the food and started stuffing their pie hole causing Gillian to have a "bit of a tizzy". I'm almost sure after the commercial break one time there were some crisps missing from the red flyer wagon she had staged them in. (That is alot of chips in one week!)
Apparently, I better go stretch as my time to walk has come. I know I will feel better when I get back home, but isn't it better to look good than to feel good?
Until my return...