December 8, 2012
CJ is shooting pigeons today. It's not like he has never shot anything before. I have seen him shoot countless men-all in self defense mind you-playing video games. Plenty of zombies as well. But pigeons?
Ah, with a camera, some of you have surmised. Because you are so clever. No, CJ is going with his girlfriend and her dad today to shoot pigeons.
Apparently, her father likes to shoot weapons and has taught his daughter how to handle a gun. Whenever the topic came up before, Beth and I would dismiss the shooting talk assuming her dad would never want to take CJ along and ruin their father-daughter bonding. However, CJ got an invite this week. He looked at me and asked if he could go. Beth wasn't there so I knew I could not provide him with the final answer, but I assumed a trip to the firing range to squeeze off some rounds from a glock would not be harmful.
Before we go any further, I should make known my stance on gun control.
I have no stance. I have never had to take a stance. Most people have their opinions about stuff formed by influences in their lives. Or the Internet. Either their parents pass on their opinions, or there comes a turning point in your life that shapes your opinion. If you know someone who has been shot and better gun control laws could have saved them, I would guess you are rather anti guns. If you have ever been attacked by a bear and a gun would have saved your life, you are probably pro guns. If you ever had to listen to your neighbor's new dog bark all day every day, you may be pro guns.
NO! I WOULD NEVER SHOOT A DOG! JUST KIDDING!
But I am trying to find a way to purchase mail order doggy downers without it getting traced back to my account. Perhaps I should not have shared that information on a blog.
Anyway, my dad taught me as much about guns as he taught me about camping which is the same amount I learned from him about tools. Nada. Zilch.
Fortunately, I have never been attacked by a bear. I was once attacked by a bee, but I fought him off with an open Ketchup packet much to the chagrin of the gentleman sitting next to me at the picnic. He looked like he had been in a gun fight after I got rid of that bee. If I had fought it off with a hand gun, I am quite sure this man's family would be anti gun. Guns don't kill people, bees kill people.
But I digress. It seems that Beth has had no opinion formed about guns in her lifetime either, except that someone used one to shoot JR and that Gibbs is really good with a sniper rifle.
So we said yes. I mean, who is going to miss a few pigeons? Mr Girlfriend's Dad said they only cost $10 to shoot at like 90 pigeons. And CJ should not expect to hit any anyway. Apparently, pigeons can be pretty crafty in flight. So what's the harm?
So he is going. I have offered to take him out this morning to Bass Pro Shops to purchase one of those plaid hats with the ear flaps. Or one of those barn jackets with random patches on the sleeves. He has declined my offer.
Beth has shared two pieces of advice with him regarding today's activities. First, don't shoot any humans. Second, don't get shot by any humans. I would rather he not get shot by any pigeons, but I am being told their primary self defense mechanism does not involve weaponry. I guess we will find out.
So CJ leaves in an hour if you have an opinion you want to share. And in case you are love all animals including flying vermin, please reread my title before yelling at me about CJ shooting live pigeons.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
What if we each only get one wing and keep flying in circles?
December 5, 2012
Beth and I were discussing, ever so briefly, Bret Bielema this morning. He just received a $700,000 raise. Who is he? He was the football coach for Wisconsin and is now the football coach for Arkansas. He was making 2.5 million at UW and Arkansas is going to pay him 3.2 million. Dollars. American. Per year. Beth's observation was that the $700k is really going to be a life-changer for Bret. (I used the sarcasm font up there.)
Isn't it strange how that kind of money could totally change one person's life while hardly altering another's at all?
I am not saying Bret's life while not be changing. I have been to Madison, Wisconsin. I once lived in Bemidji, Minnesota and drove from Cincinnati to Bemidji a couple times. Actually, I drove there once in my car, once with a U-Haul, and once with Beth. So 1+1+1 is...carry the 4...3 times. I had to use my toes. Bemidji is 1001 miles from Cincinnati, so let's be crazy and call it 1000 miles. Madison is 500 miles from Cincy so I would use my protractor and make that my halfway point and sleep over there. The hotel was right down the road from the university so I would get exposed to some of the college town while foraging for food. A lot of pizza joints. Anyway, it seemed like they lived and breathed for the Badgers there.
I have never been to the home of the Arkansas Razorbacks, Fayetteville, Arkansas, but I am guessing it is different than Madison. Therefore, Bret is uprooting his family and life to switch jobs. Life-changing. That is supposed to be one of life's stressors, changing jobs and moving, but whether you do that with 3 million or 2 million should not matter, right?
To finish this thought (thankfully, I know), Beth was worried today about eating sushi with her coworkers for lunch since we just ate out at Chipotle last night. Not because of the food, but because of the money. While I assured her that the $10 would not break us, it amused me that she was worried about ten bucks while somebody in the news was getting a ginormous raise.
Anyway, speaking of Beth, I need to find her a Christmas gift idea today. I only need the idea since I am contemplating waiting to see if we are all alive on December 22nd before I buy any gifts. This makes sense, right? Here's the scenario. Life on this planet as we know it is ending. As we all die, I look at Beth and utter, I love you, and isn't it good that the money is still in the bank and I didn't waste it on a gift?
Speaking of me and logical thinking, here is what else I was wondering about concerning the end of the world. Is God ready for the number of guests that will be coming? Usually, He and St Peter have a fairly normal day at The Gates deciding who gets in and all. Every once in a while they have an unexpected rush like when some misfortune hits such as the horrible typhoon in the Philippines. However, what happens when all 6,973,738,433 of us show up at the same time. Who plans for 6 trillion guests? Even if God is all-knowing, how many sets of wings can you get ready by the deadline?
Of course, the entire population of the Earth will not be converging on Heaven. Some of us are on our way to Hell. I am not worried about Satan's end-of-the-world prep though. I imagine there is plenty of fire and brimstone amassed and sleeping arrangements are not the host of Hell's biggest concern. "Oh, you aren't happy about having to share quarters with Stalin and Manson? Work it out, we will be here a while."
Beth and I were discussing, ever so briefly, Bret Bielema this morning. He just received a $700,000 raise. Who is he? He was the football coach for Wisconsin and is now the football coach for Arkansas. He was making 2.5 million at UW and Arkansas is going to pay him 3.2 million. Dollars. American. Per year. Beth's observation was that the $700k is really going to be a life-changer for Bret. (I used the sarcasm font up there.)
Isn't it strange how that kind of money could totally change one person's life while hardly altering another's at all?
I am not saying Bret's life while not be changing. I have been to Madison, Wisconsin. I once lived in Bemidji, Minnesota and drove from Cincinnati to Bemidji a couple times. Actually, I drove there once in my car, once with a U-Haul, and once with Beth. So 1+1+1 is...carry the 4...3 times. I had to use my toes. Bemidji is 1001 miles from Cincinnati, so let's be crazy and call it 1000 miles. Madison is 500 miles from Cincy so I would use my protractor and make that my halfway point and sleep over there. The hotel was right down the road from the university so I would get exposed to some of the college town while foraging for food. A lot of pizza joints. Anyway, it seemed like they lived and breathed for the Badgers there.
I have never been to the home of the Arkansas Razorbacks, Fayetteville, Arkansas, but I am guessing it is different than Madison. Therefore, Bret is uprooting his family and life to switch jobs. Life-changing. That is supposed to be one of life's stressors, changing jobs and moving, but whether you do that with 3 million or 2 million should not matter, right?
To finish this thought (thankfully, I know), Beth was worried today about eating sushi with her coworkers for lunch since we just ate out at Chipotle last night. Not because of the food, but because of the money. While I assured her that the $10 would not break us, it amused me that she was worried about ten bucks while somebody in the news was getting a ginormous raise.
Anyway, speaking of Beth, I need to find her a Christmas gift idea today. I only need the idea since I am contemplating waiting to see if we are all alive on December 22nd before I buy any gifts. This makes sense, right? Here's the scenario. Life on this planet as we know it is ending. As we all die, I look at Beth and utter, I love you, and isn't it good that the money is still in the bank and I didn't waste it on a gift?
Speaking of me and logical thinking, here is what else I was wondering about concerning the end of the world. Is God ready for the number of guests that will be coming? Usually, He and St Peter have a fairly normal day at The Gates deciding who gets in and all. Every once in a while they have an unexpected rush like when some misfortune hits such as the horrible typhoon in the Philippines. However, what happens when all 6,973,738,433 of us show up at the same time. Who plans for 6 trillion guests? Even if God is all-knowing, how many sets of wings can you get ready by the deadline?
Of course, the entire population of the Earth will not be converging on Heaven. Some of us are on our way to Hell. I am not worried about Satan's end-of-the-world prep though. I imagine there is plenty of fire and brimstone amassed and sleeping arrangements are not the host of Hell's biggest concern. "Oh, you aren't happy about having to share quarters with Stalin and Manson? Work it out, we will be here a while."
Saturday, December 1, 2012
This title is for Beth and has nothing to do with my post. Afghan girl beheaded after refusing man's wedding proposal.
December 1, 2012
Welcome to December. Traditionally this is my least favorite month of the year. Right there with January and parts of February. Hate the cold, do I. It really has little to do with the holidays so much. Yes, retail will beat the love of all things holiday out of you, but if Christmas were truly in July, I may not hate it so much. I would have hung lights on our house if I could have done it wearing shorts and a tee shirt. If I had a time machine, I would revisit the birth planning schedule for Mary and Joseph.
What do you mean I need to reread the Bible? Immaculate what?
So here we are at the brink of coldness. Beth and I keep coming out from under our couch blankets long enough to tell CJ how we will be moving somewhere warm someday and he keeps telling us how disappointing that will be for him. Drat. At what point do we say screw him and leave town for warmness? Time will tell if we ever do.
As for this past week, it was a bit strange for me as it pertains to work and sleeping. Someone was on vacation from our overnight shift and the new assistant guy gets to fill in. That was me if you haven't been paying attention. I looked at it as a good training opportunity to see what our o/n team actually does and what kind of things go on in a CVS at 2am.
That is what I am here to tell you about. Approximately none of you care about the other stuff, but Beth and CJ somewhat enjoyed the stories of 2am CVS customer interactions. So here is what I can tell you.
The main request in the wee hours of the morning is Preparation H. If you think about it, for those of us who work "normal" hours, it would take a lot to get you to leave your house in the middle of the night to go shopping. Pain in the posterior region qualifies. I had 3 people request the Prep H. One dude, when I asked if I could help him find anything, said he would rather not say. I told him that I was probably going to have to ring it up, so unless he was going to boost it, he might as well tell me. We found it and hopefully he is sitting easier for it today. Another woman also requested some Preparation for her H, but added that she also needed an applicator this big (insert picture of person doing the $5 foot-long pose). She told me she did not want to tell me why she needed this Black Forest on Italian sized applicator, and I told her whatever she had going on was between her and her horse.
There are customers who shop in the middle of the night regularly. I suppose they have 2nds shift jobs or insomnia or good reasons to do so. One lady has a route with three stops on it during which she feeds "her" stray cats. She was especially giddy for somebody up at 3am. I sold her one of those 5' Santas. Better to get rid of those things since they freak you out when you think you are alone in the store and you turn a corner to find Santa staring at you.
Another lady was making a purchase to solve an ailment she had. She was reading on line what some of the causes of her eye pain might be. I looked down to see what she was purchasing. I expected to see stress relief meds, or something for dehydration, or saline eye drops, or a pirate eye-patch. What I did see was a pregnancy test. "Oh, I said. Really?" Color me alarmed because I have had some eye pain lately. I thought it was fatigue or too much caffeine, but perhaps not. I immediately went to pee on a stick and am relieved to tell you that I saw the minus sign. Or the plus sign. Not sure which one is good news when you don't want to be pregnant.
Anyway, the clincher story is not good timing if you are eating. As you may have figured out, some of the people who have to stop by The CVS in the middle of the night are ill. One child in particular had apparently eaten several meals and then had an upset stomach. You can see where this is going. Sometime during their stay in the store, he morphed into an oscillating sprinkler of vomit. Pleasant, I know. Thank goodness that the carpet in CVS is actually laid in squares. I had to remove 8 squares of 2x2 carpet and hose them down. My math degree tells me that is approximately 32 square feet of chicken noodle soup. Fortunately, I am not one of those sympathy barfers. Turning into Bob Barfer would not have helped the situation.
So that is CVS in the middle of the night. See what you are missing out on. I am back to day side this week. I had my assessment with my district manager on Friday and it went well. There are no openings currently for a store manager, but she wants me to be ready for when it happens. She feels I am ready now and I think so too. I know God has a plan, so we will see how it all plays out. I will keep you informed. Until then, let's just enjoy December and get ready for the holidays.
Welcome to December. Traditionally this is my least favorite month of the year. Right there with January and parts of February. Hate the cold, do I. It really has little to do with the holidays so much. Yes, retail will beat the love of all things holiday out of you, but if Christmas were truly in July, I may not hate it so much. I would have hung lights on our house if I could have done it wearing shorts and a tee shirt. If I had a time machine, I would revisit the birth planning schedule for Mary and Joseph.
What do you mean I need to reread the Bible? Immaculate what?
So here we are at the brink of coldness. Beth and I keep coming out from under our couch blankets long enough to tell CJ how we will be moving somewhere warm someday and he keeps telling us how disappointing that will be for him. Drat. At what point do we say screw him and leave town for warmness? Time will tell if we ever do.
As for this past week, it was a bit strange for me as it pertains to work and sleeping. Someone was on vacation from our overnight shift and the new assistant guy gets to fill in. That was me if you haven't been paying attention. I looked at it as a good training opportunity to see what our o/n team actually does and what kind of things go on in a CVS at 2am.
That is what I am here to tell you about. Approximately none of you care about the other stuff, but Beth and CJ somewhat enjoyed the stories of 2am CVS customer interactions. So here is what I can tell you.
The main request in the wee hours of the morning is Preparation H. If you think about it, for those of us who work "normal" hours, it would take a lot to get you to leave your house in the middle of the night to go shopping. Pain in the posterior region qualifies. I had 3 people request the Prep H. One dude, when I asked if I could help him find anything, said he would rather not say. I told him that I was probably going to have to ring it up, so unless he was going to boost it, he might as well tell me. We found it and hopefully he is sitting easier for it today. Another woman also requested some Preparation for her H, but added that she also needed an applicator this big (insert picture of person doing the $5 foot-long pose). She told me she did not want to tell me why she needed this Black Forest on Italian sized applicator, and I told her whatever she had going on was between her and her horse.
There are customers who shop in the middle of the night regularly. I suppose they have 2nds shift jobs or insomnia or good reasons to do so. One lady has a route with three stops on it during which she feeds "her" stray cats. She was especially giddy for somebody up at 3am. I sold her one of those 5' Santas. Better to get rid of those things since they freak you out when you think you are alone in the store and you turn a corner to find Santa staring at you.
Another lady was making a purchase to solve an ailment she had. She was reading on line what some of the causes of her eye pain might be. I looked down to see what she was purchasing. I expected to see stress relief meds, or something for dehydration, or saline eye drops, or a pirate eye-patch. What I did see was a pregnancy test. "Oh, I said. Really?" Color me alarmed because I have had some eye pain lately. I thought it was fatigue or too much caffeine, but perhaps not. I immediately went to pee on a stick and am relieved to tell you that I saw the minus sign. Or the plus sign. Not sure which one is good news when you don't want to be pregnant.
Anyway, the clincher story is not good timing if you are eating. As you may have figured out, some of the people who have to stop by The CVS in the middle of the night are ill. One child in particular had apparently eaten several meals and then had an upset stomach. You can see where this is going. Sometime during their stay in the store, he morphed into an oscillating sprinkler of vomit. Pleasant, I know. Thank goodness that the carpet in CVS is actually laid in squares. I had to remove 8 squares of 2x2 carpet and hose them down. My math degree tells me that is approximately 32 square feet of chicken noodle soup. Fortunately, I am not one of those sympathy barfers. Turning into Bob Barfer would not have helped the situation.
So that is CVS in the middle of the night. See what you are missing out on. I am back to day side this week. I had my assessment with my district manager on Friday and it went well. There are no openings currently for a store manager, but she wants me to be ready for when it happens. She feels I am ready now and I think so too. I know God has a plan, so we will see how it all plays out. I will keep you informed. Until then, let's just enjoy December and get ready for the holidays.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
If I did have a time machine, I would buy young Beth an Easy Bake Oven.
November 25, 2012
Yesterday Beth and I had a tiff. It happens rarely, but it does happen. We have been knowing each other for over 25 years. Even best friends have disagreements. This one was very similar to many of the other ones we have had. While not going into all the details, I will give you an oversimplified version of what our arguments entail.
As you men know, spats with your wife require the use of a time machine. Even though you may be debating a current event, at some point in the debate, something from the past is going to be brought up. So here is the background information.
Last year at Thanksgiving, I still worked for The Target. Being brand loyal and all, I selected a Target ham for our Thanksgiving meal. Actually, in retrospect, it was probably purchased more around Christmas time after the hams were on clearance and we still had pallets of them in the stockroom. Anyway, I bought one. It was not good. It was too bland which means it tasted too much like ham. No honey glaze, no pecan flavoring, no pineapple, nothing. However, being stubborn, I made myself and CJ eat a good majority of this ham. Beth backed out after her first couple of samples. She was plenty brand loyal to Target also, but she was much more loyal to her taste buds. And way smarter than me. For her to continue eating this ham would have been an insult to the lives given up by Porky and Charlotte and whatever farmyard oinkers you have read fables about.
So CJ and I ate ham. Ham with potatoes. Ham with eggs. Ham sandwiches. Ham with pasta. Ham with ham as a side. Good God. You get the idea. So I would guess sometime in February I uttered a phrase suggesting that I may never eat ham again. Something like, "I may never eat ham again!"
Fast forward to November at Beth's workplace. Someone brought in samples of ham and turkey from The Honey Baked Ham store. It was delicious apparently. Beth then suggested we have ham for Thanksgiving. Okay I said. But you know how it is, I did not say it loud enough or with nearly enough passion. Beth then remembered how I had declared my loathing for ham earlier in the same calendar year. She then said, "Oh, that's right, you hate ham."
What I should have said was, "No, I hate Target ham." What I did say was, "No, ham will be fine." The word fine is never a good endorsement. Have you noticed that? When is fine good? Maybe with a ballpoint pen, but hardly any other time. Telling someone you are fine is the same as telling them, "I'm not good but I will not burden you with my troubles."
So saying ham would be fine for Thanksgiving was wrong. I totally own that one.
So we had turkey for Thanksgiving. The whole dinner was awesome and prepared by a woman with a badly sprained foot. It also took shopping trips to several stores to make happen. Even all the leftovers are gone already which means we enjoyed them so much we were willing to eat it for every meal the past couple days. Way past fine, that meal was. No, I am not sure why I am talking like Yoda.
Therefore, I am publicly stating my private apology to Beth for our tiff yesterday. All the things that surfaced were either my fault or the fault of our parents and baggage from the holidays as kids. No time machine can go back and fix those things. Holidays are stressful. The good news about those, for me anyway, is that they are not my fault. Talking them out helps lessen their affect. That is what we did.
I am sorry sweetie for yesterday. Let's not do that again for awhile. XOXO
Yesterday Beth and I had a tiff. It happens rarely, but it does happen. We have been knowing each other for over 25 years. Even best friends have disagreements. This one was very similar to many of the other ones we have had. While not going into all the details, I will give you an oversimplified version of what our arguments entail.
As you men know, spats with your wife require the use of a time machine. Even though you may be debating a current event, at some point in the debate, something from the past is going to be brought up. So here is the background information.
Last year at Thanksgiving, I still worked for The Target. Being brand loyal and all, I selected a Target ham for our Thanksgiving meal. Actually, in retrospect, it was probably purchased more around Christmas time after the hams were on clearance and we still had pallets of them in the stockroom. Anyway, I bought one. It was not good. It was too bland which means it tasted too much like ham. No honey glaze, no pecan flavoring, no pineapple, nothing. However, being stubborn, I made myself and CJ eat a good majority of this ham. Beth backed out after her first couple of samples. She was plenty brand loyal to Target also, but she was much more loyal to her taste buds. And way smarter than me. For her to continue eating this ham would have been an insult to the lives given up by Porky and Charlotte and whatever farmyard oinkers you have read fables about.
So CJ and I ate ham. Ham with potatoes. Ham with eggs. Ham sandwiches. Ham with pasta. Ham with ham as a side. Good God. You get the idea. So I would guess sometime in February I uttered a phrase suggesting that I may never eat ham again. Something like, "I may never eat ham again!"
Fast forward to November at Beth's workplace. Someone brought in samples of ham and turkey from The Honey Baked Ham store. It was delicious apparently. Beth then suggested we have ham for Thanksgiving. Okay I said. But you know how it is, I did not say it loud enough or with nearly enough passion. Beth then remembered how I had declared my loathing for ham earlier in the same calendar year. She then said, "Oh, that's right, you hate ham."
What I should have said was, "No, I hate Target ham." What I did say was, "No, ham will be fine." The word fine is never a good endorsement. Have you noticed that? When is fine good? Maybe with a ballpoint pen, but hardly any other time. Telling someone you are fine is the same as telling them, "I'm not good but I will not burden you with my troubles."
So saying ham would be fine for Thanksgiving was wrong. I totally own that one.
So we had turkey for Thanksgiving. The whole dinner was awesome and prepared by a woman with a badly sprained foot. It also took shopping trips to several stores to make happen. Even all the leftovers are gone already which means we enjoyed them so much we were willing to eat it for every meal the past couple days. Way past fine, that meal was. No, I am not sure why I am talking like Yoda.
Therefore, I am publicly stating my private apology to Beth for our tiff yesterday. All the things that surfaced were either my fault or the fault of our parents and baggage from the holidays as kids. No time machine can go back and fix those things. Holidays are stressful. The good news about those, for me anyway, is that they are not my fault. Talking them out helps lessen their affect. That is what we did.
I am sorry sweetie for yesterday. Let's not do that again for awhile. XOXO
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving!
November 22, 2012
Today is weird. It is 5:45 in the am and I am up, but not exhausted or worried about work. I left my CVS around 6pm last night. Yes, my name is on the front of the store just like that strange Bonnie lady riding her segue through her CVS. The store had been busy, but not crazy. I got the 3 day ad set up in a few hours and have no concern that it hasn't been signed by the overnight team. If I were to choose to be worried about something, it would be the lack of Juke Boxes for the ad. We only have one juke box, 2 microwaves, and 3 popcorn poppers left. Do we need more than that? I do not know. I had no idea we would sell out of universal remotes or Easyfeet so quickly in our last ad. People still need universal remotes? And clean feet? Who knew?
So my boss and I were looking at each other in wonder yesterday as we recalled our past retail lives. He was a store manager for Kroger and you know my history. We both feel truly blessed or lucky (not sure his religious brand loyalty) to have chosen a new career path. Therefore, as I drove home last evening, I felt myself actually looking forward to a holiday with my family. Beth is cooking for the three of us and we will be stopping by her mother's house later for a visit. It should be a great meal and a good day. My one concern about the meal, as we speak, is that there seems to be a piece of pumpkin pie missing. Have any of you seen it, or CJ? If I were a detective, he would be the primary suspect.
Do you plan on shopping tonight? I have decided not to. I was going to look for an iPad 2 for Beth at The Target since she cracked her screen on her current one, but she says she does not want it and it costs $399 and then you get a $60 gift card. If not that then I am not sure what to get her. She got excited about the Barbie multi-princess pack in somebody's toy ad, but I am going to guess that she wanted to get that for the nieces and not herself. Same deal for the Barbie head. Creepy.
It has also been a difficult year to choose what to get CJ. His birthday and Christmas fall within five days of one another so he typically gets a nice combo gift. Last year was a computer. Other years have included game systems and the like, so he usually does quite well for himself. However, this year he wants for nothing. His friends are getting iPhones. He admits he needs another distraction like dogs in our neighborhood need one more squirrel to move in. The only thing I can think of is possibly getting concert tickets or something. We are huge fans of a comedian named Mike Birbiglia (ready the Google alert) so I may see if he is on tour this coming year.
I may go ahead and shop around for that now since everyone is still asleep and the computer has decided to become difficult.
So Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and I sincerely hope you have plenty to be thankful for this year. God Bless.
Today is weird. It is 5:45 in the am and I am up, but not exhausted or worried about work. I left my CVS around 6pm last night. Yes, my name is on the front of the store just like that strange Bonnie lady riding her segue through her CVS. The store had been busy, but not crazy. I got the 3 day ad set up in a few hours and have no concern that it hasn't been signed by the overnight team. If I were to choose to be worried about something, it would be the lack of Juke Boxes for the ad. We only have one juke box, 2 microwaves, and 3 popcorn poppers left. Do we need more than that? I do not know. I had no idea we would sell out of universal remotes or Easyfeet so quickly in our last ad. People still need universal remotes? And clean feet? Who knew?
So my boss and I were looking at each other in wonder yesterday as we recalled our past retail lives. He was a store manager for Kroger and you know my history. We both feel truly blessed or lucky (not sure his religious brand loyalty) to have chosen a new career path. Therefore, as I drove home last evening, I felt myself actually looking forward to a holiday with my family. Beth is cooking for the three of us and we will be stopping by her mother's house later for a visit. It should be a great meal and a good day. My one concern about the meal, as we speak, is that there seems to be a piece of pumpkin pie missing. Have any of you seen it, or CJ? If I were a detective, he would be the primary suspect.
Do you plan on shopping tonight? I have decided not to. I was going to look for an iPad 2 for Beth at The Target since she cracked her screen on her current one, but she says she does not want it and it costs $399 and then you get a $60 gift card. If not that then I am not sure what to get her. She got excited about the Barbie multi-princess pack in somebody's toy ad, but I am going to guess that she wanted to get that for the nieces and not herself. Same deal for the Barbie head. Creepy.
It has also been a difficult year to choose what to get CJ. His birthday and Christmas fall within five days of one another so he typically gets a nice combo gift. Last year was a computer. Other years have included game systems and the like, so he usually does quite well for himself. However, this year he wants for nothing. His friends are getting iPhones. He admits he needs another distraction like dogs in our neighborhood need one more squirrel to move in. The only thing I can think of is possibly getting concert tickets or something. We are huge fans of a comedian named Mike Birbiglia (ready the Google alert) so I may see if he is on tour this coming year.
I may go ahead and shop around for that now since everyone is still asleep and the computer has decided to become difficult.
So Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and I sincerely hope you have plenty to be thankful for this year. God Bless.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Wasn't one of the Powerpuff girls black and blue and puffy?
November 20, 2012
Good morning. I have the day off and Beth said I could not rake leaves today (she doesn't want me to get sick before the holidays) so my task list is rather minimal. Eat snacks, play Black Ops, blog, eat snacks, clean cars, buy more snacks, fix the clogged drain in the bathroom, and get some Chipotle for dinner. You may notice that I did not include dusting this table and keyboard in front of me even though I could write my name in the dust right now. I figure it has a lot to do with the angle of the sunlight coming in the room. If I wait a couple hours it won't look so dusty.
My new blog will be called "How to avoid pesky housework". It will include tidbits about closing shades so the sun won't show the dust, don't do push ups so you don't see the filth under the couch, and don't do yoga so you can't see the cobwebs forming in the corners of the room as you pose like a warrior. Coming soon to a book store near you.
Speaking of push ups, I had once told Beth that we would know when CJ had an interest in girls by how he acted. I knew from being a boy 50 years ago, that boys change their demeanor and actions when they notice the female form for the first time. For me it meant a lot of hair pulling and pushing girls down on the playground. College did not go well for me.
However, for CJ it has been a bit more of a grown up reaction. More grown up than hair pulling? Hard to believe, I know. What I have noticed is that he cares more about his appearance.
If you are the parent of a tween or teenage boy you know that getting them to shower or brush their hair or put on deodorant or change their underwear is not accomplished without constant reminders. What I have learned recently is that when said teenager has a beautiful girl he is smitten with, he wears deodorant and brushes his hair. He uses the face cleaning pads you bought him for the acne breakouts. And he challenges his old man to a push up contest since he has been working out. He loses, but he challenges. And he vows for a rematch.
Great. Now, not only do I have to keep doing push ups, but for those of you with reading comprehension skills, you know that I may also need to clean under the couch. Not only are teenagers expensive to feed and clothe, but they cause other issues too. Is it worth it? You better believe it is.
In other news, as most of you know, Aunt Beth is rather enamored with her niece Julia. So much so, in fact, that she attempted to break her own foot this week.
CJ had gone to an ironically named cast party Saturday night after the completion of the high school production of Our Town. He was going to be out late. I was sleeping as I had just worked an exhausting 45 hour work week. (Threw that in for my ex-Target peeps). Beth was staying up late to be the pick up mom. However, being in her mid-forties took over and she fell asleep sitting cross-legged on the couch. Her foot must also be fortyish since it fell asleep too. At 12:45 CJ arrived home having secured a ride with another party goer. Beth, in a semi-asleep startled state (Alaska I think), jumped off the couch only to have her foot decide standing was not in its best interest. Down she went.
I would take a picture of her foot since she seems to be showing anyone that will look, but she is at work and you may want to eat lunch later. It is black and blue and puffy. However, thankfully not broken. CJ and I are especially grateful since mom in a cast means boys doing the laundry.
I have offered to purchase Beth one of those walker on wheels things where you put your knee on the padded seat and push yourself around with the other leg since we sell them at CVS and they are in next week's ad (spoiler alert!), but Beth has declined my offer. And proven to me that her fist is not broken.
This is getting rather lengthy so I will sign off. Let me see what is next on my list. Aaah yes, snacks.
Good morning. I have the day off and Beth said I could not rake leaves today (she doesn't want me to get sick before the holidays) so my task list is rather minimal. Eat snacks, play Black Ops, blog, eat snacks, clean cars, buy more snacks, fix the clogged drain in the bathroom, and get some Chipotle for dinner. You may notice that I did not include dusting this table and keyboard in front of me even though I could write my name in the dust right now. I figure it has a lot to do with the angle of the sunlight coming in the room. If I wait a couple hours it won't look so dusty.
My new blog will be called "How to avoid pesky housework". It will include tidbits about closing shades so the sun won't show the dust, don't do push ups so you don't see the filth under the couch, and don't do yoga so you can't see the cobwebs forming in the corners of the room as you pose like a warrior. Coming soon to a book store near you.
Speaking of push ups, I had once told Beth that we would know when CJ had an interest in girls by how he acted. I knew from being a boy 50 years ago, that boys change their demeanor and actions when they notice the female form for the first time. For me it meant a lot of hair pulling and pushing girls down on the playground. College did not go well for me.
However, for CJ it has been a bit more of a grown up reaction. More grown up than hair pulling? Hard to believe, I know. What I have noticed is that he cares more about his appearance.
If you are the parent of a tween or teenage boy you know that getting them to shower or brush their hair or put on deodorant or change their underwear is not accomplished without constant reminders. What I have learned recently is that when said teenager has a beautiful girl he is smitten with, he wears deodorant and brushes his hair. He uses the face cleaning pads you bought him for the acne breakouts. And he challenges his old man to a push up contest since he has been working out. He loses, but he challenges. And he vows for a rematch.
Great. Now, not only do I have to keep doing push ups, but for those of you with reading comprehension skills, you know that I may also need to clean under the couch. Not only are teenagers expensive to feed and clothe, but they cause other issues too. Is it worth it? You better believe it is.
In other news, as most of you know, Aunt Beth is rather enamored with her niece Julia. So much so, in fact, that she attempted to break her own foot this week.
CJ had gone to an ironically named cast party Saturday night after the completion of the high school production of Our Town. He was going to be out late. I was sleeping as I had just worked an exhausting 45 hour work week. (Threw that in for my ex-Target peeps). Beth was staying up late to be the pick up mom. However, being in her mid-forties took over and she fell asleep sitting cross-legged on the couch. Her foot must also be fortyish since it fell asleep too. At 12:45 CJ arrived home having secured a ride with another party goer. Beth, in a semi-asleep startled state (Alaska I think), jumped off the couch only to have her foot decide standing was not in its best interest. Down she went.
I would take a picture of her foot since she seems to be showing anyone that will look, but she is at work and you may want to eat lunch later. It is black and blue and puffy. However, thankfully not broken. CJ and I are especially grateful since mom in a cast means boys doing the laundry.
I have offered to purchase Beth one of those walker on wheels things where you put your knee on the padded seat and push yourself around with the other leg since we sell them at CVS and they are in next week's ad (spoiler alert!), but Beth has declined my offer. And proven to me that her fist is not broken.
This is getting rather lengthy so I will sign off. Let me see what is next on my list. Aaah yes, snacks.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Everybody going to have a good time
November 14, 2014
I have no plans to ever divorce Beth, but if I did, the reason line would simply read, "Party Rockers in the House Tonight."
It's not that Beth had a party last night and Jon Bon Jovi just would not take the hint to leave. Excuse me Jon, we are all out of queso.
The fact of the matter is that I have had an ear worm all day of little Julia channeling her voice through Aunt Beth singing some LMFAO lyrics.
Beth assures me it is adorable and I would like it if I had ever heard it, but I'm not buying it.
So has everyone else shirked their housework today to play some COD Black Ops II? I sure have. I did not think it was going to be an issue until I swooped into the dining room and saw something move in the corner. Since I am home alone, I took issue with that. Then I realized it was simply the dust bunnies circling the wagons as they planned a coup. Since their numbers were nearing something that could take down Gulliver, I thought I better break out the vacuum.
I made the purchase at my old Target this morning and got to see some of my former coworkers. Man I really miss those guys, but not so much The Target. They remembered me and treated it like a celebrity sighting similar to when Nick Lachey or Tonya O'Rourke stops by. I know you don't know Tonya, but look back at some early posts of mine and my affection for her is explained. Fortunately, she never reciprocated or turning her down would have made for an awkward situation.
While at The Target, I was made aware that some of these guys have taken to reading my blog. I was actually told this as I texted with a past coworker who has moved to Columbus but shares the same Xavier alumni status as myself. Since I knew she was someone I could celebrate last night's victory with, I texted her. She let me know of the blog stalking. I did not believe her since I have never seen a lot of action on Feedjit suggesting an increase in readership and have certainly never seen a comment from these stalkers. However, I was assured today that some of them actually do read. One even used the term witty. I'm guessing they did not read yesterday's post.
Therefore, my first reaction when I heard this was concern. Had I said anything that may have offended upon my departure? I had no reason to, but could something have been taken wrong? Sarcasm is sometimes misunderstood. Nonetheless, they assured me that nothing like that had happened. Good.
Therefore, I will include in here, out of earshot, that I was a little upset with the people I saw today. They looked a little too good. The store looked too good. It was fairly obvious that I have not been missed. The team lead I used to call Yoda had lost weight and looked happy. The Manager of the front also looked thinner and tanner, and not stressed. The team out on the floor looked like they had no worries about next week. All the while, I looked in the mirror at home and saw that I still have gray hair and pimples and dark circles. Not fair. Especially the gray hair with pimples part.
Perhaps I need to return to The Target. NOT!!!!!
I know that things are good for me and I am certainly not hoping that things are bad for my old work mates. I hope all of you in retail and elsewhere are ready for a good holiday season filled with blessings and good tidings. You know, comfort and joy and all that. And if you are expecting company-aka Jon Bon Jovi-make sure you have plenty of queso.
I have no plans to ever divorce Beth, but if I did, the reason line would simply read, "Party Rockers in the House Tonight."
It's not that Beth had a party last night and Jon Bon Jovi just would not take the hint to leave. Excuse me Jon, we are all out of queso.
The fact of the matter is that I have had an ear worm all day of little Julia channeling her voice through Aunt Beth singing some LMFAO lyrics.
Beth assures me it is adorable and I would like it if I had ever heard it, but I'm not buying it.
So has everyone else shirked their housework today to play some COD Black Ops II? I sure have. I did not think it was going to be an issue until I swooped into the dining room and saw something move in the corner. Since I am home alone, I took issue with that. Then I realized it was simply the dust bunnies circling the wagons as they planned a coup. Since their numbers were nearing something that could take down Gulliver, I thought I better break out the vacuum.
I made the purchase at my old Target this morning and got to see some of my former coworkers. Man I really miss those guys, but not so much The Target. They remembered me and treated it like a celebrity sighting similar to when Nick Lachey or Tonya O'Rourke stops by. I know you don't know Tonya, but look back at some early posts of mine and my affection for her is explained. Fortunately, she never reciprocated or turning her down would have made for an awkward situation.
While at The Target, I was made aware that some of these guys have taken to reading my blog. I was actually told this as I texted with a past coworker who has moved to Columbus but shares the same Xavier alumni status as myself. Since I knew she was someone I could celebrate last night's victory with, I texted her. She let me know of the blog stalking. I did not believe her since I have never seen a lot of action on Feedjit suggesting an increase in readership and have certainly never seen a comment from these stalkers. However, I was assured today that some of them actually do read. One even used the term witty. I'm guessing they did not read yesterday's post.
Therefore, my first reaction when I heard this was concern. Had I said anything that may have offended upon my departure? I had no reason to, but could something have been taken wrong? Sarcasm is sometimes misunderstood. Nonetheless, they assured me that nothing like that had happened. Good.
Therefore, I will include in here, out of earshot, that I was a little upset with the people I saw today. They looked a little too good. The store looked too good. It was fairly obvious that I have not been missed. The team lead I used to call Yoda had lost weight and looked happy. The Manager of the front also looked thinner and tanner, and not stressed. The team out on the floor looked like they had no worries about next week. All the while, I looked in the mirror at home and saw that I still have gray hair and pimples and dark circles. Not fair. Especially the gray hair with pimples part.
Perhaps I need to return to The Target. NOT!!!!!
I know that things are good for me and I am certainly not hoping that things are bad for my old work mates. I hope all of you in retail and elsewhere are ready for a good holiday season filled with blessings and good tidings. You know, comfort and joy and all that. And if you are expecting company-aka Jon Bon Jovi-make sure you have plenty of queso.
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