Be careful what you wish for

July 19, 2011

It is day two of my 7 day vacation away from The Target, and I have the house to myself all of a sudden.  CJ is at band camp learning how to march, and Beth is at Target.  If it was just a grocery trip, I would go with Beth; however, I do not want to see Target for a week.

Yesterday was spent at the allergist's office.  I have had allergies my whole life but never had a specific diagnosis.  It has also never been a huge problem for me until the past couple years.  I do not get rashes and my throat does not close up, but I have been getting allergic reactions that conquer my sinus passages and rapidly develop into infections or bronchitis.  It was time to see if I could prevent the allergy part and hold off on the infections.

So yesterday, as I sat in the doctor's office, it delta dawned on me that I felt great.  This always happens to me.  I tear a meniscus in my knee such that I can barely walk, but when I am sitting in the doctor's office, it feels great.  If I lived in a medical building, I would never be sick.

Thus, the doctor is having me fill out papers and asking me probing questions like:

Reactions to pet dander? 
Reactions to food such as bananas or nuts?
Any diarrhea or vomiting?

Darn it, no.  A guy at work had his whole face swell up when he ate banana.  Why not me?  Why can I not have explosive rectal evacutations?

It is weird, I do not really want to be sick, much less dying, but I do want to justify the need to go to the doctor.  I am eating up my HSA account by telling you that I sneeze when I cut the grass. 

Okay, questions are done, here come the pricks.  Settle down.  They prick your arm 46 times with different potential allergens, then you wait 15 minutes to see if the prick turns into a red bump.  Man, I wanted to look like a leper, but instead I looked like an intravenous drug user with piss poor aim.  This test showed I had mild allergic reactions to Bermuda grasses, type 5A grasses, and Epicoccum mold.

Type 5 grasses include KY Bluegrass, Orchard, Redtop, Timothy, and Sweet Vernal.  The previous owner of this house told me he did not know how to start a lawn when it was built, so he put down 4 kinds of grass seed.  I'm guessing some of the above were included since I hear hillbillies with fiddles sometimes and I have an Aunt Verna.

These grasses are most pungent in the spring, and that is when I had the most issues.

As for the mold, I think it is the kind that holds Jello.  We used to have one in the kitchen cabinet, but I threw it out yesterday.  One problem solved.

I had to ask the doctor though about oranges and their juice.  When I was a teen ager, I drank some orange juice, sneezed about 12 times, and then had a cold for three days.  I attributed it to the orange juice.  Logical, I thought.  I have never had any since.  I used to even look at the ingredients of Mountain Dew and see "orange juice" on there and wonder if it was affecting me somehow.  (I used to drink several Mt Dews per diem).  Last year, Beth peeled an orange in the same room with me, I caught some of the vapors up my nostrils, sneezed 12 times and had a cold for the next three days.

The allergy test for oranges was negative.  ???  Coincidence?  I guess, but I am not rushing out to have lunch with  Anita Bryant anytime soon.  Gosh, what an old reference.  I really need some new material.  Who promotes oranges now?  I will look it up.  I just sneezed when I typed "Anita Bryant". 

WOW!!!  I googled orange juice commercials and was instantly distracted by "lesbian orange juice commercial".  It turned out to be an actual commercial for orange juice, and I do really want some right now, but I could not tell you any new info on who promotes oranges or their juice.  I am fairly certain Anita Bryant was not in the commercial.  Wow.

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What I have learned about my allergies though, is that when you combine a mild allergy with stress and fatigue, you get sick.  Thus the infections and bronchitus. 

I have also learned that if you swing and axe at an orange tree, juice will come out.  At least I think that is the message, I should go do some more research.  Hi Beth.  :o

I may soon be at the doctor's office with a real case of the head injuries.  Got my wish!