Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Bethie needs a hug

June 14, 2011

The company is gone.  Bethie is sad.  Aunt Beth was the bestest hostess with the mostest.  I watch her play with those babies and know she will be the best Grandma ever.  That is if CJ comes through with his promise to have children and does it before we reach our 60s.  Beth in her 60s equals Beth with dementia.  I picture her holding babies by one foot at that point and offering them hits of her whiskey. 

Oh, hello Bethie.  Oh, nothing.

So the vehicle has been on the road for almost 2 hours and we have not yet found anything that got left behind.  Except for my sister and her husband's sanity.  There comes a point in every road trip with children when you regret your choice to go on vacation.  I would guess somebody has already asked if they are almost there even though they have about 6 hours left to drive.  Good luck to both of you and God speed.

Yesterday treated us to another outstanding weather day and a trip to Kings Island.  We had a blast.  There was even a point where I let CJ play tour guide and take Edward, Kathy, and their oldest child to the adult section of the park, while Beth and I took care of the two youngest.  Ben was awesome and fearless on all the rides.  Julia was Julia. 

She is at that age when you wonder if perhaps bipolar much?  She is ecstatic on the Great Pumpkin roller coaster, yet melting down while waiting in line for the Boo House.  One minute you want to hug her until she begs you to stop; the next minute you are thinking of introducing her to your neighbor's pit bull, Satan.  They bought him from Craig's List when answering an ad for a dog that "will eat anything and loves kids". 

I desperately wanted Kathy, Edward, and Mary to experience the awesome roller coasters at Kings Island such as the Diamondback, yet I also wanted Julia to stop crying.  I wanted to buy them an ice cream, but Beth said I had to get their parent's permission.  Really?  Where are they right this second?

So I texted CJ and then made believe they texted back their approval for ice cream.  Beth played along with me (I thought I had fooled her), and we settled in for some ice cream and cotton candy.  As we arrived back from the concession stand, Beth took off without saying where she was going.  I thought perhaps she had ditched me, but it turns out that if she had waited two more seconds, she would have left a pee trail across Snoopy World. 

Cotton candy is crack for toddlers.  It kills part of your brain for a small amount of time.  Fortunately for my sister, she returned to us as Julia was in this state of euphoria and they enjoyed some more rides while Beth and I convinced her that "Julia was this happy the whole time you were gone."  I think she would have bought our story if Beth had not actually said, "she was this poopin happy the whole damn time you were friggin gone."  Perhaps someone needs a filter.

So we are going through company rehab, which is just returning to life as we know it for Beth and myself, and CJ returning to the privacy of the man cave.  I went downstairs to tell CJ that the toddlers across the street were coming over for a quick visit and he warned me that somebody was about to get hurt.  Perhaps he needs some cotton candy.

Great to have seen you Kathy, Edward, Mary, Ben, and Julia!!!!!!  Please keep in mind while reading this post that semi-interesting reading requires some creative embellishment, and that you are welcome here anytime.  No children were actually harmed in the creating of this post.

As for lightning bugs, they may not have gotten off so lucky.

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