The Black Hole

August 24, 2010

I am going to the doctor today to have my head examined.  Every once in a while, CJ will put his palm against my head and tell me he is using his brain sucker.  He will then make his hand play dead as apparently it starved to death.  No big brain on Steve.

The doctor will not be looking for signs of intelligent life today, he is an ENT and will hopefully find a reason for my earaches and dizziness.  I believe I have a fluid build up within my sinuses that I cannot seem to be able to relieve with medication.  It has caused me 3 or 4 infections in the past 18 months.  I can remember two ear infections and a sinus infection.  While I realize I spend plenty of time around the general public and their germs, I do not believe I should be getting infections this easily.  I am also tired of the side affects such as dizziness and ear pain, especially while I am trying to sleep.  So we will see what he finds out.

I am also hoping he can find a reason for other troubling things in my life.  I went downstairs today to take a shower and then found myself walking back upstairs still dirty.  Fortunately, I was dressed, but how much short term memory does it take to walk down 14 stairs and remember to get into the shower?  Troubling.

I also told Beth that I was hoping to blame some other things on this fluid build up, and curing this ill will solve other things.  Like repeating myself apparently.  I am hoping my eyesight will return to 20/20 when the fluid is gone.  Possible?  Probably not.  It will not stop me from  making a list of things that will hopefully be gone after today:

• poor typing skills (I just hit spell check and the page lit up like fireflies)
• acne (you can't have gray hair, black socks with sandals, and acne at the same time)
• the overuse of parentheses ((((()))))
• a quick temper
• bad ankles and knees (a lifetime of walking on concrete floors)
• the inability to pick out a wall color for the kitchen (if I obtain this gene, do I also have to give up my affection for boobs?)
• my belief that it is okay to use the word boobs in my blog (I am not really sad about that)
• the St Louis Cardinals (I know they are going to beat out my Reds, I just feel it)
• the Pittsburgh Steelers (that smug Hines Ward just bugs me)
• my hatred of cold weather (it is coming soon and I am not ready)
• the dark circles under my eyes or all the mirrors in the house
• facial hair growth (I hate shaving but would look even more stupid with a beard)

I will actually post this after the doctor visit since I will not have time tomorrow.  That way I can let you know what issues have been resolved.  Stay tuned.
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All right, I am back.  We will go with the no news is good news theory for now.  The doctor conducted a serious of physical tests which he concluded were inconclusive.  The pressure reading in my ears is normal, but the vertigo and pressure I am feeling are not.  I also have some nystooptia (don't look that up, it is not correct) thing with my eyes during which they spasm when I look all the way to the left or right.  This is apparently not normal.

So the next steps include some exercises to do at home, a diet change,, and then an MRI.  I cannot have the MRI until next week, so I will be doing some eye exercises, some head exercises (my cranium is too fat maybe?), some sitting, some standing, and some moving about.  I will then stick my whole self in and shake it all about.

Actually, I will do things like changing from sitting to standing and back again with my eyes open, then with my eyes closed.  I will need to shrug my shoulders 20 times.  I will neeed to walk back and forth across the room 20 times with eyes open, and then with eyes closed.  I will then need to ice any body parts injured while doing it with eyes closed.  Finally, I will need to clench and unclench my buns several times.  No, not really.

The diet change is no added salt.   Does this mean I cannot add salt to the peanuts I have been shoving in my pie hole today?  Probably.  That would be wrong.

I will let you know more when I know more, but it will be awhile.  You know how things go with tests and doctors and results.

The main relief I am feeling is that it can't be a brain tumor.  I saw the movie Phenomenon (do do dah do do) with John Travolta in which he had a brain tumor.  He got really genuis-like smart.  You can tell very easily that I am not genuis smart.  Uh, doy!

For instance, one of the instructions is to prop up pillows so that I sleep at a 45 degree angle.  Can I borrow a proctractor?  How is this supposed to happen.  I may lay awake all night trying to do the math.  Woe is me.