Who has a hot wife? You bet I do! E I E I-Oh

January 10, 2011

I am in the middle of 4 days off from The Target and getting some much needed rest.  The weekend was nice with Beth and CJ and video games and Xavier basketball and NFL playoffs and church and Chipotle.  And sleep.  I have a tendency to wake up every morning around 5am, but one of the nights I did not.  I do not get up at 5am-aka the butt crack of dawn-unless I have to for work, but I do get to lay there and think about work instead of sleeping most of the time. 

The problem started when I used to have to be at work around 3am.  Even though I do not have to work that shift anymore, I did it long enough that waking up early became normal.  Fortunately, the longer I get away from that shift, the later I sleep, but the current cycle is 5am.  Soon, 5am will be part of normalness as the required get up time for old men so they can meet at McDonald's for coffee and play canasta. Or whatever game old men play at McDonald's.  Then I can get a job there so I can talk to people and not see their rolled eyes when I try to be nice to them.  Except for that one old McDonald guy who had a farm.

But I progress, which I guess to be the opposite of digressing because I was speaking of the future.

Anyway, have you seen my Bethie lately?  Hubba hubba!  She has lost, and kept off, some poundage.  I know, she was lovely before, but now she is thinner, happier, and kinda into herself.  Not into herself, like googling herself, but in the way that she does not throw things at the fitting room mirror while trying on clothes.  She has new yoga pants that make me want to try some yoga on for size.  How much weight has she lost?  Not sure, but I would guess 25 pounds or so over the past six months.  I am sure I am wrong, but maybe she will comment and let you know the specifics.  Remember that she is 5'8", so that does not mean she weighs 100 pounds now, but she looks really good.  She will also be so excited that I was talking about her weight with you all. 

So how has she done it?   Ready for the solution to all your problems-if you are overweight...though I am not saying your are...I think you look great...oh crap.

She dieted and exercised!!!  I know!  She is writing a book about it.  Check Amazon soon and you will find it under books about diet and exercise.  Not too many of those.

Okay, I just reread that paragraph and am wondering how much trouble I am going to be in from my now diva better half, but then I remembered that she is the only one that reads my blog, so I am okay.  Bethie, you look awesome.

As for me, I exercised on Saturday with CJ.  We did a 15 minute cardio workout from the Exercise On Demand cable channel.  We both finished and no one needed a defibrillator, but neither one of us was feeling great about our stamina afterwards.  And I was sufficiently sore yesterday.  Not in my legs as expected, but in my neck.  Weird.  I think it was the jumping jacks.  Yes, they still make you do jumping jacks in a workout.  Who was this original jumping Jack and why does he have such staying power?  Have jumping jacks been around longer than Jack Lalanne?  Do they go back to Jack and his nimble candle-jumping self.  That would make the actual form more challenging...ya know, having to keep your nasty bits from touching the flame.

I just got it!  Why the jumping jacks and all.  It just occurred to me that the workout we did was led by the trainer of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.  It was a dude (who has to be roiding to be that big, right?), whose name was Jay Johnson, I think. 

It was, I just googled it.  He should not be confused with Jay Johnson, the ventriloquist.  I do not know what kind of shape he or his dummies are in.  So this beefed up Jay Johnson had to train some cheerleaders.  Jumping jacks makes sense now, doesn't it?  You get it, right?  Grown hotties jumping?  Body parts bouncing?  What?  You got it the first time?  Oh, my bad.  I was picturing Beth doing some jumping jacks in her new yoga pants.  Must go google something else.  Bye for now.

Shouldn't you be working on something?

September 4, 2010

Happy Labor Day weekend.

I just made fun of Beth for misspelling something on June's blog (ptichfork, which people used a long time ago to kill pterodactyls), so the spell checker function on this blog is going to get a workout today.  Karma can be a real bugger.  I will try to correct them all, but I have already misspelled September and "misspelled".    Karma think she so funny.

Beth is not feeling well today.  The mold count around here as spiked and it is kicking her butt.  By "around here", I do not mean that we have allowed the leftovers in the fridge to get so out-of-control that mold is taking over our house.  It is this Ohio Valley weather that drives the nasal area insane. 

Beth works as an aide at the local high school, and as the day went on yesterday, she became a runny nose mess.  You may think that is funny, but it is snot.  All her coworkers noticed that she was not feeling well, but none of them mentioned going home.  So she stuck it out.  One of the kids she helps asked if she was sick since her nose was running so much, and Beth explained that she was not sick, but her brain was melting and coming out her nose.  I did not know that Beth was allowed to listen to Marilyn Manson music on her Ipod while at work.  So we are taking it easy today as Beth slowly turns from a solid into a liquid.

Speaking of Ipods, did you know the new Ipod Touch is 64g?  How many songs does a person need to download?  64g can hold around 14,000 songs.  It would be less if you downloaded movies and such, but that is still a whole bunch.  I could probably come up with a couple hundred songs I like, but never 14,000.

Beth decided she needed to drag herself out of the house today, so we went on a trip to the Cincinnati Museum Center.  Sounds rather like we are quite into smarts to take our child on an educational trip on the weekend, doesn't it?  As it turns out, I had some gift certificates for the Museum Center that we wanted to spend.  The Children's Museum is somewhere we have taken CJ several times, but not so much since he turned 10.  The exhibits are not really for older kids.  However, we read the fine print on the gift certificates and found out they can be used for the food area and gift shops.  Who doesn't love free useless crap-in food form or trinket form.  Therefore, we went down there and had Starbucks, chicken tenders, and barbecue.  Oh, and ice cream.  We also loved the fact that they gave you your change from the gift certificate in cash dollars.  CJ was extremely influenced by this and wanted to take the $10 gift certificate to the window and see what was the cheapest thing on the menu.  "I would like a pack of ketchup.  No, I insist on paying you 10 cents for it."  We have trained him well.

Today begins a 4 day weekend for me.  It is much needed.  I know the holiday is called Labor Day, but I do not want to be working on Monday.  I really can't remember the last time I was off on Labor Day.  Perhaps I will run the vacuum around here to make up for not actually being at work.  Besides, I do need to reduce the mold count so Beth will feel better.  She is currently napping, so if you could all be a little more quiet, I would appreciate it.  Thanks.