Saturday, September 3, 2011

My hips would tell all sorts of lies

September 3, 2011

It is Labor Day weekend.  I'm guessing that there are no neonatal nurses with the weekend off.  

I have the weekend off since I am not needed for any labor at The Target.  We are in the middle of clearing out the back-to-school stuff and getting ready for the Halloween stuff.  By September 16th, you should see plenty of costumes, decor, party supplies, and candy in your local Target.  And Christmas lights.

No, I do not know why.

Remember when school did not start until after Labor Day?  Because we were all farmers and needed the extra day light to bring in the crops?  Of course, we then had to be in school until the end of June practically, but starting school in the middle of August just seems wrong.

This weekend, I need to buy an outfit for my niece's wedding.  She is getting married in Indianapolis on September 23rd.  Since my work attire lacks variety, I have not worn a coat and tie for a long time.  I cannot even remember the last time, but it was probably for a funeral.  During the anti-hoarder summer purge of 2011, all my remaining dress pants, sports coats, and suits went away.  Most of them were the wrong size or had holes in them in places clothing should not have holes.  We are not talking about arm holes, we were looking through crotch holes and such.  Even Spencer Gifts-tacky gifts and crotchless underwear since 1963-would not sell you a pair of dress pants with easy crotch access.

I know a family wedding is the best place to meet eligible chicks, but I am taken.  Thus, I will stop speaking of pants with holes in the nether regions.  Too late, I know.

It will be interesting to go shopping with Beth and CJ today for a couple reasons.  One, CJ slept over with his fellow drum liners at a buddy's house last night.  For those of you who have been around a while, you know that CJ does not actually sleep over.  He wakes over.  Or something like that.  I took him for breakfast one time after he had a sleep over only to watch him fall face first into his pancakes.  We bonded, but more like bonding his face to the car window since it was covered in syrup instead of having one of those father-son bonding moments. 

The second reason it will be interesting is that while CJ and I are almost the same size now, we will not be getting the same size clothes.  We are almost identical in height and I have him by ten pounds.  However, he still has a butt and I do not.  I am quite sure Beth will feel free to point this out at some point.  "Those pants are nearly the same, but CJ's look better in the back.  Do you think yours are stitched wrong or something?"  Uh, no.  CJ has back and I got nothin.  When I do karaoke at the reception, no Shakira for me.

Crazy thought coming in, what if we get matching outfits?  Brilliant!!!  We will look like the Warblers have shown up to sing at the wedding.  Except we are not gay.  And cannot sing.  Otherwise, just like the Warblers.  Man I have great ideas.  I really should write this stuff down.

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