Thursday, October 20, 2011

I, ain't got no bahdeeee

October 20, 2011

I was looking around the house wondering what to blog about today when I saw my latest issue of ESPN, The Magazine.  They are calling it their body issue and it came out around 10/17/11 (in case you are in the future).

CJ picked it up yesterday and said, "what is up with this guy!"  I will let you search it on your own as putting a link to it here means putting a link to all the photo shoot participants up, and I don't know how that will be received.  You see, they are all naked.  Hey wait, come back!  Okay, see you later. 

ESPN subtitles their article as Bodies We Want.  I don't think they even mean this in a smarmy way.  They are just assuming that we would want to look like the athletes in the photos.

You may have seen my photo on this blog in a couple of previous posts, and I assure you I am fully clothed in all of them.  However, if I were to choose to pose au naturale, I would look something like Blake Griffin on this magazine cover.  We both have two legs, two arms, and a head.  I think we both have the same quantity of muscles in our body, but there seems to be something wrong with his.  It's like he is swollen or something.  Perhaps he is allergic to fruit and just ate an apple.  Perhaps he should see a doctor.  Where did his fat go?  I use my spare fat, blubber if you will, to keep me warm in the winter.  I realize he plays in Los Angeles, but it gets a little cold there, does it not?  Gonna freeze to death, this guy, in 50 degree weather.  We should start a telethon.  Call in your Twinkies pledge now.

For the record, I did work out last night.  I did like 30 push ups and 60 abdominal exercises.  I checked this morning and I still do not have a six pack.  Got a one pack going on down there.  How many sit ups does a guy have to do to get a little definition?  Like 300?  Forget it.

Beth will be excited because Apolo Anton Ohno is in there.  Not that she is a big fan of his or finds the little dude attractive, but she truly enjoyed seeing Cincinnati Red's pitcher Bronson Arroyo in a store and saying he had a haircut like Apolo Ohno.  Oh no is right.  I think she still chuckles about it from time to time.

Finally, while there are naked females in there that are surfers, soccer players, hockey players and such; there is also a female bowler in there.  Her name is Kelly Kulick and she goes 5'7", 160.  Without the bowling ball.  She says bowlers, in general, are not known for being in great shape, but she has worked really hard to get stronger and better.  She does look it, as she is rather defined.  And I think it is awesome that being 5'7" and weighing 160 pounds is worthy of posing in a magazine naked. 

I go 5'10" (with shoes on), 160, so I am going to get the camera and get my pose down going.  Tune in tomorrow for the photo shoot layout.  Gather round, grab a milk shake, and try not to laugh so hard that it comes out your nose.


  1. Kajagoogoo.

    Love you. You're too funny.

  2. Target Steve, we like you the way you are. And really, some of these folks have been photoshopped to within an inch of their life.

    Julie Chen, Hope Solo, & Kelly Kulick are looking seriously masculine and making me wonder about steroids in women's sports.